Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is how we value and perceive ourselves. If you have low self-esteem you may feel:

Having low self-esteem is not just a person having a sense of being worthless; it manifests itself in action—or in inaction–whenever the child–the grown child—attempts to do anything. That person feels inadequate in social situations, including romantic relationships and may feel incapable of accomplishing any demanding (and desirable) work. When these feelings are severe, that individual sense of being of being a failure means they can become profoundly pessimistic, and will not try to accomplish anything worthwhile. Anything challenging will seem to be too difficult. Expectations of failure become self-fulfilling.

Such persons are also likely to feel guilty besides feeling inadequate and ineffectual. They blame themselves for everything. They are suffering from a chronic, low-level mood that does not appear to shift with antidepressant medication. This population of patients does not respond to them. They are not suffering from an illness, such as a major depression, which is a remitting and relapsing disorder; they are suffering from a set of long- held beliefs from misconceptions they have learned growing up. Treatment has to be directed towards changing these ideas.

What affects our self-esteem differs for everyone and could have been impacted by a difficult experience or a series of negative events such as: losing your job, physical impairment, illness, loss, abuse, bullied, mental health problems, divorce or separation from a partner.

Even though it can be hard to recognise how you feel YOU can make changes to challenge your low self-belief.

Avoid negative self-talk

If you find you automatically put yourself down then challenge and reframe those thoughts.

Learning to identify and challenge your negative self-beliefs can have a positive impact on your self-esteem. It can helpful to ask yourself: “would I talk to, or think about a loved one in such a negative way?”

I criticise myself in a way I wouldn’t dream of doing to others.

Stop and reflect on how you look at others and treat yourself with love and respect

Do NOT compare yourself to others

It can be difficult to avoid comparing ourselves unfavourably to others, especially when we’re surrounded by images of celebrities and people on social media. But try to remember that what people choose to share about their life isn’t the full picture and comparing ourselves isn’t realistic.

Connect with people who love you

It’s easy to feel bad about yourself if you spend time with people who treat you badly or don’t appreciate you.

Make a conscious effort to spend more time with people who love you and treat you like you expect to be treated. This can help you to feel good about yourself and challenge your negative thinking.

Talking to loved ones about how you feel 

This can help you to reassess how you view yourself. Ask them what they like about you – it’s likely that they see you differently to how you see yourself.

Learn to be assertive

When you don’t like yourself, it’s easy to assume others won’t like you either. You may find you go out of your way to help others as you feel it’s the only way they’ll like you. It can make you feel even worse if this help isn’t reciprocated.

A good deed is great but over stretching yourself to please others can leave you with less energy to focus on yourself and can affect your mental health.

Learn to say “no” – take a breath before automatically agreeing to do something you don’t want to.

At first you might find it difficult to break these habits but making small changes to be more assertive can feel liberating and gets easier the more you do it.

Self-esteem is central to who we are and central to the process of counselling. Therapy involves reframing those negative thoughts and reflecting on how you perceive oneself. It is about feeling strong enough to change the things that we don’t like. Taking a new, objective view of your personal history can allow you to see more clearly your present situation without feeling blamed. It can also offer an opportunity to see if early patterns and habits are repeated in your current relationships, both at home and in the wider world. Self-esteem is not the same as self-centredness. It does not mean you are selfish or egotistical but it does allow you to appreciate the qualities you do have and respond to others in a positive and productive way. It can help you feel better about yourself and better abut others around you.

To schedule a confidential consultation to discuss how I can help you overcome self-esteem, please call on 0207 205 2868 or submit the online enquiry form.