Anger Management

Anger is a natural response to feeling attacked, deceived, frustrated or treated unfairly. Everyone gets angry sometimes – it’s part of being human. It isn’t always a ‘bad’ emotion; in fact it can sometimes be useful. For example, feeling angry about something can:

Anger only becomes a problem when it harms you or people around you. This can happen when:

If the way you behave when you feel angry is causing you problems in your life or relationships, it’s worth thinking about ways you can choose to manage anger and learning about your options to manage it

How you behave when you’re angry depends on how well you’re able to identify and cope with your feelings, and how you’ve learned to express them. Not everyone expresses anger in the same way. For example, some unhelpful ways you may have learned to express anger include:

If you find you express your anger through outward aggression and violence, this can be extremely frightening and damaging for people around you – especially children. And it can have serious consequences: it could lose you your job or get you into trouble with the law. In this case it’s very important to seek treatment and support.
But even if you’re never outwardly violent or aggressive towards others, and never even raise your voice, you might still recognise some of these angry behaviours and feel that they’re a problem for you.

It can be frightening when your anger overwhelms you. But there are ways you can learn to stay in control of your anger when you find yourself in difficult situations. You can:

1. Look out for warning signs

Anger can cause a rush of adrenaline through your body, so before you recognise the emotion you’re feeling you might notice:

Recognising these signs gives you the chance to think about how you want to react to a situation before doing anything. This can be difficult in the heat of the moment, but the earlier you notice how you’re feeling, the easier it can be to choose how to manage your anger.

2. Buy yourself time to think

Sometimes when we’re feeling angry, we just need to walk away from the situation for a while. This can give you time to work out what you’re thinking about the situation, decide how you want to react to it and feel more in control. Some ways you can buy yourself time to think are:

3. Try some techniques to manage your feelings

There are many ways to calm down and let go of angry feelings, depending on what suits you and what’s convenient at the time you are angry.

4. Do something to distract yourself.

Anything that completely changes your situation, thoughts or patterns can help stop your anger escalating. For example, you could try:

5. Try mindfulness techniques

This will help you be aware of when you’re getting angry and to help yourself calm down.

In therapy we can explore the anger and how to manage it in a safe way. Thinking about how to manage your anger when you’re feeling calmer, you can avoid feeling overwhelmed by it in the heat of the moment. In therapy the focus would be on how to:

1. Learn your triggers

Understanding what sort of situations trigger your anger means you can develop strategies to cope and think about how to react before the situation happens. You might find it helpful to keep a diary or make notes about the times you have felt angry. You could record:

If you do this for a while, you might start to see patterns emerging.

2. Examine your thought patterns

If you’re feeling upset or angry, you might find yourself automatically thinking or saying things like:

But often there are lots of different ways we could interpret a situation. It can make you feel worse if you think in terms of ‘always’, ‘never’ and ‘should’, because in reality things are rarely so black and white. Making an effort to replace these words with softer terms like ‘sometimes’ or ‘could’ when thinking about your situation might help you to break up negative thought patterns, reflect more calmly on your situation and find new ways through conflicts.

3. Develop your communication skills

Being excessively angry and aggressive can get in the way of communicating your feelings effectively. People may focus on your anger, and find it hard to listen to what you’re saying. On the other hand, if you are able to express your anger by talking in an assertive, respectful way about what has made you angry, then you’re more likely to be understood by others.

Being assertive means standing up for yourself while still respecting other people and their opinions. It can:

Learning to be assertive might not feel easy to start with, but here are some things to try:

4. Look at your lifestyle

Looking after your wellbeing more generally could help you feel calmer and more in control when things happen that make you feel angry. You might want to:

Anger control can be difficult for people at times. Psychotherapy may be of help to people who wish to work on controlling their anger.

With help you will be able to discover what lies at the root of your frustration and rage and learn healthy ways to avoid or cope with those situations. Emotional regulation is a key component of effective anger therapy, and this technique empowers an individual to be able to face uncertain and stressful circumstances with control and an emotional balance that benefits the individual’s mental and physical health and the well-being of those around them.